Understanding the Different Aspects of Anger

Holding on to anger can often be detrimental to our well-being. 

Anger is a natural emotional response, activated by perceived threats or triggers. While we can recognise this emotion, it is important to respect it without allowing it to manifest into aggressive or violent behaviour. 

Anger can serve a protective function, signalling when we face injustice or when action is needed for our safety. It is normal to experience anger; however, it is crucial to approach it with a rational mindset, assessing the facts calmly to determine the most appropriate course of action. This approach avoids both aggression and suppression, both of which can harm our health. 

Healthy or constructive anger acts as a mechanism to keep us safe, alerting us to injustice and motivating positive actions, such as standing up for ourselves or advocating for a cause. 

Unhealthy or unmanaged anger, however, can become destructive. It might lead to damaging relationships and cause adverse physical and mental health effects, such as hypertension and heightened stress levels. It is important to recognise that emotion requires proper management, not suppression or uncontrolled outbursts. 

Differentiating Between Constructive and Unhealthy Anger

Uncontrolled anger can be destructive, potentially resulting in arguments, physical abuse, or assault. Such behaviour damages trust and causes significant pain to loved ones and colleagues. It can also have serious repercussions on mental and physical health, often leaving individuals feeling shame, guilt, and deep regret. 

Underlying emotions often associated with anger include fear, hurt, shame, sadness, frustration, anxiety, and helplessness. Anger frequently serves as a secondary emotion—a defence mechanism or "cover" for these more vulnerable feelings that are difficult to express directly. For example, feelings of powerlessness or hurt may trigger anger as a way to regain a sense of control. 

Managing anger constructively involves recognising and releasing it appropriately, allowing space for forgiveness—both towards oneself and others. Effective communication, particularly assertive expression, is vital in this regard. It is acceptable to feel anger; expressing it clearly and calmly can be a catalyst for positive change. 

Techniques for Managing and Expressing Anger

There are practical methods to help control anger without losing emotional regulation. These include deep breathing exercises, physical activities, grounding techniques, or expressing anger in ways such as writing down feelings and then discarding the note. 

The 4 C’s of anger management are: Calm, Control, Communicate, and Change. Developing these skills requires practice. A helpful tip is to take a walk when feeling angry before attempting to address the issue. 

Additionally, the 90-second rule suggests focusing on something else to allow the initial surge of emotion to subside before responding. 

It is common for some individuals to claim they never feel anger; however, this often indicates suppression, which is unhealthy. Constructive expression of anger can be beneficial, contributing to better mental health. 

Recognising, expressing, and managing anger effectively can lead to greater calmness, clearer personal boundaries, and increased motivation—transforming anger from a source of shame into a catalyst for positive change. 

Examples of Healthy and Unhealthy Ways of Handling Anger

Healthy Anger: Speaking up when experiencing a genuine grievance. 

Unhealthy Anger: Suppressing feelings and harbouring unspoken resentment. 

Healthy Anger: Reacting against injustice and misconduct. 

Unhealthy Anger: Projecting mood onto others or blaming them unfairly. 

Healthy Anger: Addressing the behaviour directly. 

Unhealthy Anger: Criticising the individual personally. 

Healthy Anger: Pausing to count to ten before responding. 

Unhealthy Anger: Reacting impulsively and rashly. 

Healthy Anger: Asking, ‘Please don’t speak to me like that.’ 

Unhealthy Anger: Using insults or offensive language. 

Healthy Anger: Composing a letter to vent feelings and then destroying it. 

Unhealthy Anger: Sending aggressive messages via text or email. 

Healthy Anger: Discussing specific issues that upset you. 

Unhealthy Anger: Allowing anger to build up through unresolved, past grievances.