Boundaries in a relationship – something that we often explore in the counselling room

Be aware Of what is Unacceptable and Normalise saying ‘no’ Do what is best for you. And know that it’s not your Responsibility to sacrifice Yourself for others

Your boundaries are basically the line between what you're okay with in a relationship and what you're not. Sometimes, we might accept stuff we actually aren't comfortable with. So, knowing what's truly okay for you helps you explain the difference between what you want and what you need. 

Maslow says our needs are both physical and mental- they include things we need to survive and things that make us feel good and balanced. Wants, on the other hand, are extras - things we just desire, not survive without. Needs are things like feeling connected, having control, feeling good about ourselves, and having fun. They are basic stuff like food, while wants are what we could do without. 

Here's what you can do: 

1. Figure out what boundary you need to set. 

2. Ask your emotions what they want - be honest, even if what you want isn’t totally reasonable. 

3. Calm yourself and check in with your wiser side. Ask, “What am I actually willing to accept?”  

4. Then ask, “What am I not willing to accept?” with your wiser head. 

5. Make sure for every yes, there’s a no, and for every no, there’s a yes. 

Troubleshooting tips: 

1. Don’t pretend you’re okay with something when you really aren’t. For example, if you’re not okay with your partner being friends with their ex, don’t say you are just to keep the peace. 

2. If you say you won’t accept something but then accept it anyway, it won’t work. Like, if you say “If you do X, I’ll leave,” but then you stay when they do X- nothing changes. 

3. Remember, your partner has the right to set boundaries too. If your boundaries clash, it might be time to figure things out.

Remember good communication is often the key to success.